I just started a blog. . . I think

Well, here goes.

I never really thought I would do this, but lately I've been thinking it might be nice to have an outlet for some of my thoughts about being in my (almost) mid-thirties and still not having any concrete ideas about what to do with my life. I need something other than the red notebook on my bedside table that's filled with various complaints about various men. Maybe this blog will allow me to feel like I'm actually taking a stand to do something, to make the next change that awaits me.

Technically, I'm a "grown up" now, right? For many reasons, I do feel liked I have "growed up" a lot, especially in the last few years. I've been living in the same apartment for 5 1/2 years. I have a steady job. I have a dog and a cat that I've managed to keep alive for many years. I am responsible and take care care of myself. I have health issues that I manage. And I'm about to turn 34. So, yeah, I think all that qualifies me as a "grown up," at least in the sense I had of that term before I grew up, whenever that actually was. I like to think the turning point was 30, though I was still doing some stupid shit then, and let's face it, I still like to do some stupid shit now on occasion. Or maybe it all started when I moved to New York at the ripe old age of 28.

I had everything I thought I wanted by the age of 27. I had left the Northeast to explore for myself in the great Southwest. Life was good: I had a great sales job making kick-ass money, had a sweet man who wanted to marry me, and I even managed to buy a house all on my own. And then I visited New York City. One thing led to another, and six months later, I'm selling books and living in Manhattan. I told myself I needed a new challenge. I needed to make a career move, and what better place than New York City? I wasn't ready to settle down just yet. And Albuquerque sure as hell wasn't the place for me to settle down. At least I figured that out.

I did enjoy being a big fish in a little pond out there. I hadn't a care in the world. But I was bored to tears. NYC is hardly boring. But here I am, 5 1/2 years later, and bored again. So, I'm hoping this blog will help me share this journey and figure out what my next step is. . .

I can't imagine leaving NYC. I love living here. Would more money help? Or would a new city altogether alleviate the boredom? Lord knows I'm not in a career trajectory at the moment. I've stagnated, and this is the exact opposite situation I intended for when I moved here. After the move, I left that great sales job. It wasn't so great, really, but I do still miss it at times. And now, don't get me wrong, I have a great little 9-5 gig with amazing benefits (unheard of benefits, really) and work with some amazing people doing amazing work. But after being on what could have been a fulfilling and fruitful career track to sitting at a computer all day pushing papers and email, I wonder where I went wrong. There's more to me than this, dammit! I was the #2 sales rep in the country in 2002! People liked me! Okay, 2002 was seven years ago, Nora. Get over it and do something NOW.

So here I am. What the hell do I do now? What the hell does one do when she got everything she thought she wanted and then realizes it's time for a new challenge, yet again? What do I do now that I have the great guy I've been searching for since ending it with that last one? What do I do when I don't just want a new job, but a career, something to do that's interesting and worthwhile, and can bring in some cash? How does one go about it in this economy? Where should I start? It's all so overwhelming and since it's Friday, I think I'm just gonna go have a drink!

I'll leave with this: I don't want to wake up 5 1/2 years from now in my same apartment in my same job. So, here's this blog thing. I'm hoping it will motivate me to do some stuff to reach a goal or two, once I determine exactly what those goals are, of course. I'll share stories about what I've done already, and what I plan to do. And maybe some more stuff will get done in the meantime.